How do I stop arguing with my partner?

Do you feel like you’re stuck in a continuous cycle of arguments with your partner? Are you nit-picking on each other's flaws, and starting to lose the moments of fun, happiness and peace in your relationship? Are you starting to consider if they’re still the one for you?

When couples are stuck in a state of conflict, it can be difficult to see the positives and remember why you are together in the first place. To get your relationship back on track, it might be time to hit the reset button and remind yourselves of the ways in which you are compatible, and the shared goals you have.

Here are six questions to ask each other or work through as a couple to help reset your relationship dynamic, and remind you of your shared interests, goals and strengths.

1. What do we like doing?

This question invites you to reflect on shared activities that bring you both joy and satisfaction. It’s not just about identifying common hobbies, but also about recognizing those moments when you both feel genuinely connected and engaged. Whether it’s cooking a meal together, hiking, or simply watching a movie, these activities are vital as they not only provide enjoyment but also help in building a sense of teamwork and companionship.

Expansion Tip: List out activities you've both enjoyed in the past and explore why these activities felt rewarding. Consider how you can incorporate more of these shared experiences into your routine to create positive memories and strengthen your bond.

2. When are we most happy?

Identifying the moments when you both feel most content and at peace can reveal a lot about your relationship's strengths. It might be during quiet mornings, adventurous vacations, or when you're supporting each other through challenges.

Expansion Tip: Reflect on recent times of happiness and discuss what made these moments special. Was it the absence of stress, the environment, or the activities you were engaged in? Understanding these aspects can guide you to recreate similar conditions that foster happiness in your relationship.

3. What do we have in common?

Commonalities form the glue in many relationships. This question encourages you to explore shared values, beliefs, interests, and aspirations. While differences are natural and healthy, focusing on common ground can remind you of your connection and compatibility.

Expansion Tip: Create a list of shared interests and values. Discuss how these similarities have influenced your relationship positively and how you can actively nurture and celebrate them.

4. As a couple, what are we good at?

This question focuses on your strengths as a team. It could be your combined problem-solving skills, how you support each other, or your ability to make each other laugh. Recognizing these strengths can be empowering and can serve as a foundation to overcome current and future challenges.

Expansion Tip: Identify specific instances where your teamwork shined. Discuss how you can leverage these strengths to address areas of conflict or to achieve common goals.

5. What are the goals we share for the future?

Discussing shared goals is crucial for maintaining a sense of direction and purpose in your relationship. Whether it’s financial objectives, lifestyle aspirations, or family planning, aligning on future goals can help you work together more cohesively.

Expansion Tip: Set aside time to have a detailed conversation about your future. Be open and honest about your personal dreams and see where they align. This discussion can help you plan actionable steps towards achieving these shared goals.

6. What would we like to do or experience together?

This question encourages you to dream together and set intentions for shared experiences. It could be travel, learning a new skill, or embarking on a project. Planning for future experiences can inject excitement into your relationship and give you both something to look forward to.

Expansion Tip: Make a "bucket list" of experiences you both wish to have. Start planning for one or two items from the list as a way to foster a sense of adventure and mutual growth.


By engaging with these questions sincerely and openly, couples can rediscover the joy, compatibility, and shared aspirations that may have been overshadowed by conflict. This exercise is not just about resetting your relationship in times of difficulty but also about building a robust activity bank that can help you navigate through tough times. Remember, the goal is not to ignore the conflicts but to approach them from a place of understanding, empathy, and mutual respect, grounded in the knowledge of your strengths as a couple. Through this process, you can begin to break the cycle of conflict, deepen your connection, and build a more resilient and fulfilling relationship.

If you would like to expand on this further, or would like some professional help, consider seeking couples therapy with one of our experienced therapists. We provide couples therapy face-to-face in Canberra, or via Telehealth across Australia.